The accidental writer by Tom Padula – 2008/9

It was February 1968 and I was sitting at one of the tables on the first floor of the Baillieu Library at the University of Melbourne, next ...

Chapter 2

REFLECTION


We all have the experience of reflecting on what we think,

do, say or dream. Reflection helps us to better ourselves, it

forces us to review facts and proposals, it encourages us to

meditate on our state of being. With the act of reflection,

humans distinguish themselves fom other beings creating in

themselves memories of the past, rationalising the actions of

the present, incorporating plans for the ‘morrow.

In this mixture of thoughts, we find that aid that makes us

progress towards goals that are always more ambitious and

creative. Reflection brings to the individual who practices it

that necessary wisdom which comes from balancing our

reality, our contacts with nature and our relationship with

other human beings and other species.

Who we are and what we appear to others can be two

different things. Reflection makes us understand the

complexity of our existence in its relationship with the rest of

the physical and spiritual world. The following poems are

philosophical reflections that were born out of my being in

lucid and pensive moments.



Everyone


Everyone

finds

in himself

his own truth,

if he looks for it,

if he doesn't hide it

from his sight.

It's there

inside...

like the sun

which brightens the day.



To Live


To live

your life

as you want

is nothing more

than a mirage

in the desert.

People

place upon you

a hope...

which you ignore.

The sparkle

of love

is perhaps missing

from your heart.



Everyday


Every day we see dawn,

the sun, sunset, the night.

Men fill their days

with new experiences, facts, successes.

But there is also amongst them

defeat, delusion, uncertainty.

In the final analysis they are always children

these men who play in this courtyard

with all the other children.

And everyone looks at them from afar

and then analyses them with their human binoculars

like old people who look behind

with nostalgia and indifference.



Drop


The water which quenches

the insatiable thirst

of the little rapacious bird

becomes one within the waves

of the infinite sea.

Insignificant drop

you become important

in the blue immensity.

Under the summer sun

you shine your delicate

puffed cheeks.

Then you disappear into the bottom of the sea,

and there you remain, under the sand,

to enjoy eternal peace

forever.



You’re alone


You're alone

in your world

lit by city lights.

And in your dreams

a chimera

is shining for you.

Look

at the asphalt.

Its surface

is hard.

Only on the grass

will you find the truth

of your existence.



Reflection


You're

dressed.

Don't tell

anyone.

Everyone knows it.

And each one wants

from you

a torn piece

until you remain

naked.



Division


I feel

an hour

of love.

I want to give

everyone

a moment of it.

But its division

only gives each person

but an echo

of my heart.



Instead


My heaven is spent this evening

like that, without saying why. A void,

like an abyss, twirls in me.

I want to speak, laugh, joke,

dance, sing. But no!

I stay here like a statue

motionless in my dark thoughts.

Fixed, like a viper before

it launches on its prey, the mind,

traitor of the instinct, makes its way

in my painful spirit. And it says to me:

"don't worry. Keep on looking at your star,

perhaps that darkness will clear".

And I, drily, disdainfully reply:

"don't interfere! Why do you want

to clear darkness which is so powerful

in the human and enslaved people?"

And, again, an unfriendly, cold emptiness.

Now I don't know when it is spring again,

I don't know whether the life of flowers can

fill again with joy

my nature. And yet

it was spring just yesterday.

The flowers don't change so quickly.

But the birds continue to sing

whilst, in the sky, a solitary cloud

moves vagabond, without a goal.

Instead...



I shall follow Don Quixote


One day I shall find

among the fragments

of my life

some small

sparkle.

Every flame

has become spent

too quickly.

It seems a mystery

that it was so.

Youth has gone

without having brought me

a mouthful of fresh water.

And I drank a lot and

often from the beverages

of the fridge of life.

They did not quench my thirst,

they did not satiate me.

Love has been

a great illusion:

already lost even

before having had it!

Art has been

my most arduous

companion,

but how expensive!

Friendships made

but then destroyed:

loyalty repaid

with suspicion;

generosity replaced

with mean greed.

Then work

smiled at me,

but it too became

egotistical!

It brought the complications

of the human condition,

which tire

the already overused mind.

Where will this

my ship in a storm

find a port?

Where will I be taken

by this wind

which blows so fiercely?

In which direction

will the weather force me

to sail to find

the serene calm?

And then when

I shall arrive, perhaps

I will not be happy.

Then I shall depart

and Don Quixote I will follow!...



Flight of thought


I have seen

my life pass

in a flash

in front of me

like the moon

at night

when it is full.

The full moon

brightens up

in the darkness

and walks

in its moment

of vain-glory.

It dies and is reborn

in a cycle

of perfect timing.

Till when this will last,

no one will ever know...

(Life is like this also).



The sparkle of life


Tell me friend,

have you had a dream in life?

Have you seen near you the joy of love?

Have you known how to love with all your heart?

Things are beautiful in life

when the heart adorns them with love.

Even the child,

when light illuminates life,

has always opened his eyes to see,

to feel the novelty of being.

Becoming a man is nothing else

but a personal experience.

The child we have it always present

within us, in our own truth.

He caresses our thoughts,

reinforces our ideal for better things;

he breaks the wisdom of the cynic

whose smile is bitter in his mouth.

Then when our star

slows down our wishes,

when she calls to herself

the mortal soul of every individual,

the shine disappears.

Flowers only grow in happiness.

* Stella in Italian is feminine

* Star in English is neutral gender

I have used Star as a feminine noun even though

its nuetral gender.



Mother tongue


In Australia

our children chew

the language of their parents

at home, within their domain.

And when they begin their flight

they change their speech with their wings:

and the more they fly in the sky

the more they are not understood.

The more they stay away from home

the more they lose their mother tongue.

It could be that distance

increases discord.



Ephemeral truth


The other day, outside of the window,

there was a sincere boy

who walked alone on the grass,

on the stony pebbles, in the tracks.

Alone he looked at the day and things.

He did not see the humans.

Only admiring the heights

forced him to follow the steps

of his true way: an ephemeral truth.

A worm tires on the road.

The man made asphalt

chokes the sweet path of the meadows!



Which one?


Take it one day at a time

as the song goes. Take it

easy! Don't worry!

Be yourself. So be it.

Optimism is better than

pessimism. It makes you

feel good. Optimism

sees everything in a new

healthy way. It even

refuses to see reality!

It gives you an illusion

of power and self esteem.

Optimism feeds on hope

and dreams, on health

and good care, on

feeling good inside.

The opposite is feeling

in a negative way.

Pessimism is unhealthy.

It sees reality in its own image,

it gives no hope

and no way out. It stands

by itself. lts comments

are depressing. It gives no

illusions. If dreams are

present it leaves them behind.

Nothing is any use. You can

lull in your self pity.

So which one do you choose?

He is only a puppet

There on the road

I see only

a puppet.

What does it matter if the rain

drenches him to the bone.

He is only a puppet

who cares nothing for the world

or nature.

He approaches his end

caring for no one,

not even himself.

Once he walked

together with other... puppets,

but they failed to understand him,

and he them.

From then on he decided to go on by himself,

taking seriously neither himself... nor others.



Australia


Australia.

Dry land,

serene in your desert

with life which pulsates

only at the shouts

of the ancient aborigines:

true Australians,

wise of the land

which owned them.

Civilisation

takes its definition

from the environment,

from the colour of the flowers

from the warmth of the days

which change only

to go dreaming

in the extended plains

lacking in trees

and water.



Absorbed


You are so far away

there, in that town

lost in the plains,

where the dust

dries up the lips,

where the beer

satisfies the throat

burnt by the heat.

Whilst you drink, you tell me:

"I have need of peace",

and you add: "I need

solitude".

"Australia is a land

which absorbs you in its roots,

without you realising it",

I point out aloud.

"Yes, it is really true" he reflects,

whilst his glance

takes him, somewhere else, where,

sure of itself, nature

reigns over everything else.



Cheese in sight


Everyone is like a mouse

in search of cheese,

hidden from sight.

Like the cheese, happiness

is found in places unknown,

hidden away in the heart of people.

The majority of mice in youth

seek the path to cheese

together in peace. And then,

when in sight of the cheese,

they quarrel and fight

'cause greed rejoices

before paradise so close.



Travel and Home


You travel the world,

you see the sights,

they are beautiful...

Things that you’ll forget,

others that you’ll remember...

Time will choose

which ones are for you.

After it’s all over....

you’ll have been everywhere,

seen everything but, strangely,

it’s as if you have never

left your home.

Your world still untouched:

The legacy of yesterday,

the still point of tomorrow.

Tell me if you’ve learnt

something so very dear...

that which will make of you

a better person with whom to live.

Have you discovered a little part

of yourself that you did not know?

Are you happy with yourself

and the area of the world

in which you live every day?

Have you brought back a message

for someone dear?

A kind whisper for their ears?

Tell us that in the niche

of our heart we shall find

all the world, that in

our fanatsy we can

see things that are more beautiful

than the jewels of the sea.

Because, after all,

the most fantastic thing

is the world of a person

happy with his lot no matter

where this happens to be.



Time


Time is a disposable commodity...

if you use it wisely

you can actually gain

a double quantity!

If you waste it...

don’t worry

you get another chance

to repeat the same mistake!

Time is only a song

that needs to be well sung,

but if you are in disaccord

then you have a broken chord.

If you don’t care

time will let you be

a silent partner

in eternity.



Who have you been?


When you are close

to your end

what will you say to your God?

Perhaps you will remember

those moments most dear

and closest to your heart.

Perhaps you will tally up

the sum of your good

and bad actions.

Perhaps you will think

that you were clever

in your life.

Perhaps the past

you will not even see

fleetingly.

Whatever will be your end,

you will have been you:

unique and alone.



Realization


This morning the elms

on Royal Parade

looked naked to me.

I felt suddenly

cold in my bones;

and even my spirit was dead.

I thought:

it too has a right

to its rest.



New illusion


My dark hours

flee into time,

whilst the storm

abates over the sea.

Even the small bird

has stopped flying,

and now, happy

to retreat, seeks

a nest, thinking

of the betrayed little bird

of his dreams

Oh you,

treacherous day

in the past,

become a traitor

once again

to bring back

to the present

the old illusion.

The Spring

of our dreams

is sweet!

The hopes

of once

are beautiful!

But faded

are now the memories

of this swallow

that in vain wants to

still aim for

the heights of the sky!



Vanity


In my youth

one day I learnt

that good and bad people

have all a quality

that is called vanity.

Everyone wants to communicate

to us what they know;

they believe that everything

that they are thinking of

interests us,

but they are wrong: We don’t want

to know anything,

we already know everything.

Why listen to someone else

who is like us,

who is human like everyone?



I am still young


I sense in the air

a smell of ageing.

Outside, there in the street,

I meet a beautiful

young woman

who looks beyond,

and not at me!

Going further down,

and I hear a friend

say to me... “Do you remember

when we were young...”

And then I see my children

who have already grown up

and they have an air

of wanting to conquer

the world, without me!

Perhaps it is only

my body,

my appearance,

that is ageing.

I don’t care:

I am still young.



The Autumn Harvest


The Autumn of my

life arrives

where the fruits

of past summers

begin to appear,

ripe.

And I gather them,

these fruits,

one at a time

so that they don’t rot

on the laden tree.

I would almost

defer to another

time this harvest,

but nature

doesn’t allow me.

And then that internal

truth presents itself

warning me

of the reality of fruits.

There is in each one of them

that magic moment

when they are

ready to be picked.

Taking them, too early

or too late,

prohibits you to enjoy them

at the peak of their maturity.

The happiness that every

fruit gives comes from

the rich natural taste

of the harvest made on time.

And the other happiness

you will find donating them

to those who don’t have any!

Sharing your fruits

with others, your neighbours,

becomes almost a necessity!

And it is in this generosity

that you find the crumbs

of your future winter.

Memories are

the only things

that will remain

to keep us company

in eternity.



Missed snowtrip


A lack of physical strength

renders the willing spirit powerless.

And yet the dreams and the mind

change the arid days

in fields, pulsating with people,

of snow just fallen

from the humid sky.

The image, like a golden

statue, remains fixed in time.

And fixed, like a statue,

I will always have with me

the unlived memories of

when I, with a sprained ankle,

went up, with my friends,

to see, to touch the white

of the mountains.

Yes, it's true. Even this year,

amongst them, I lived a memorable day:

I sang, I joked, and I laughed

with everyone, with everyone I spoke this year.

And amongst these memories, I saw once again

those dreaming eyes, and those loved features.

Even longer will live the moment

of this sprained ankle.

It will remain with me forever,

it'll stay amongst the crowd of the past

which, like a sharpened arrow,

cuts into the wings of time.

It betrayed the willingness, the missed desire,

the company and the lost memories.

But there is always an alternative:

finally the most beautiful things

are found amongst those people

who know how to live every moment

and the events which have never happened.



On the beach


On this breezy, bright

sunlit day, on the beach

you see all types, of all ages...

of all shapes, of all sizes.

There are the toddlers

shyly approaching the reflux

of incoming waves.

Older children have a thing

with sand... they make

all sorts of constructions:

some simple, some elaborate

but all made with deep intent.

Groups of teenagers are

involved with summer's

national sport: cricket...

or play frisbie, baseball, soccer.

Their eyes are often attracted

by some girls parading

quite happily forgetful

of their feminine fight

for shared equality.

The twenty year olds

are either running

or showing off their

taut, trim bodies,

like self assured

peacocks on the sand.

The thirty something are found

with spouses and children,

looking after the little ones,

using their watchful eyes...

as doting parents.

Yesterday's bronzed youth

is today's middle aged walker.

They walk alone or in twos

or in threes or more,

showing signs of decay.

There are only a few exceptions

and these are noticeable

only by their pretence.

Then you see those

in their fifties or sixties

all independent, exuding

an air of security,

of acquired self knowledge.

They don't seem to care

about others and look after

themselves and their company.

Here and there the over seventies

make an appearance looking on

knowingly at each age group,

engaged in their own beach mood.

When you go next time to Lorne

behold this game of human life

displayed in front of your very eyes.

I am sure that it will always

continue to manifest itself

each year, just like the waves

pounding into the shores..



The end and the beginning


It came:

the end.

To then

begin

again

another cycle.

Like the sky

fills with clouds

and it rains.

Then it clears up

suddenly.

Like the ship

on the high seas

reaches its port

which then sails

once again.

Like the child

who grows up at home.

He then becomes adult

and he goes away.

To then return

when he is ready.